Celebrity relationship expert Anna Williamson explains five common disagreements couples have when wedding planning, and how to fix them
With so much time, effort and money that goes into planning a wedding, it’s only natural that a few disagreements between couples will happen. Wedding planning can be a really stressful experience for many, and can cause arguments over things many wouldn’t usually worry about.
But, getting married is so much more than just a “big day” – it’s a very big deal indeed!
Wedding experts at leading wedding planning website Hitched.co.uk have compiled a list of the top five reasons couples will argue during the wedding planning process, and have worked with celebrity relationship expert Anna Williamson from The Relationship Place, to explain how couples can resolve these disagreements without resorting to calling the whole wedding off.
Managing finances as a couple is possibly one of the biggest causes of arguments in the wedding planning stage. There can be conflicts in opinions, wishes and wants as the couple budgets for the big day; who pays for what, what is and isn’t needed, and how much will it all cost?
Working out financial spend can be a big cause of strain for couples, especially now as the UK faces further stress amid the current cost of living crisis.
Anna’s advice: “When you start to plan your wedding budget, discuss and decide on your wedding priorities together. You may have to compromise, but remember, the day is about the two of you.”
- Interfering in-laws
Nothing reveals a couple’s stress points like their own respective families trying to get involved, and this can certainly ramp up during wedding planning as everyone has their own opinions, values and beliefs they want to get across. Because of this, and how each family has its own dynamic, family interference can often cause friction as couples try to balance everyone’s ideas and suggestions with what’s right for them and their big day.
While you may want to tell your future in-laws to mind their own business, it’s probably best to not upset the cart before you join the family for the rest of your life.
Anna’s advice: “Agree that you will both deal with your own respective families, that way no one is placed in a position outside of their comfort zone. Practice politely saying, ‘Oh, that does sound nice, but we’ve decided to do this’ instead.”
- Mismatched efforts
When one half of a couple is raring to go and dives in head first to the wedding planning, but the other is much less bothered about table settings and the font on the invitations, it can lead to feelings of frustration and resentment.
It’s important to remember that different people deal with excitement, pressure and stress differently, and just because it may seem that one person is taking on more than the other, it may not be as straightforward as that.
Anna’s advice: “Be honest about how you’re feeling, and offer up tasks and wedmin for each partner to complete, to ensure more of an even share of the planning.”
- Supplier stress
There are so many wedding suppliers to choose from, and only so much wedding budget to go around. If one person has their heart set on a videographer, and their partner has a certain band in mind, or one half of the couple wants a church wedding while the other prefers a less religious affair, this difference in opinion can lead to feelings of “losing” or someone not getting their way.
While having individual wants and needs is human nature, conflict of interest can be a big argument starter, and it’s not one couples will want to tackle as they plan the rest of their lives together.
Anna’s advice: “All you can do here is compromise – review your budget and decide how much you can allocate to each of you for personalised details, or look for more affordable versions of what you both love.”
- The guest list
Picking a guest list is hands down one of the biggest sources of stress for couples when it comes to planning a wedding. How many people do you want in the day versus for the evening entertainment only? How many cousins from each side of the family should be invited? Plus ones? Kids? Pets?
If the couple are not aligned on the total number of guests, the split distribution and whether kids and plus ones are invited, there will no doubt be some stress.
Anna’s advice: “Each of you need to write down a list of who you absolutely can’t imagine your day without, plus a B-list of evening guests. Give yourself as even of a split as possible, but remember, you’re both becoming one big family!”
Zoe Burke, wedding expert and editor of Hitched says: “Our data shows that it takes most couples (24%) roughly two years to plan a wedding, which is a hell of a long time to be potentially still discussing whose aunty’s best friend’s dog is invited, whether the vegetarian option should include cheese or not in case someone suddenly goes vegan, or whether the string quartet are able to play Harry’s House in full or not.
“Planning a wedding isn’t supposed to be the easy part, but it’s the part that makes the big day so much more worth it; everything couples have thought constantly about for the last 24 months can finally be let go of, and instead they can just focus on having the best party they could possibly have thought of.
“Compromise, communication and consideration are the three most important things a couple can have for each other during the wedding planning process – and really, aren’t these the qualities we all want in our partners at the end of the day?”
For more relationship advice from Anna, please visit: https://www.hitched.co.uk/wedding-planning/fun/arguments-every-engaged-couple-have/
If you’re struggling with wedding planning arguments, fortunately couples’ advice platform The Relationship Place is here to help with any gripes, disagreements or conflict any couple might be facing whilst planning their big day. The Wedding Planning Plan can help you work through conflict, tricky situations, and help plan what your future together will look like after you’ve said ‘I do’. All through easy access coaching videos which you can watch and work through in your own time straight to your device.